Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
