Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
