his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
