bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
