my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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