I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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