We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
