my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
