It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
