Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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