About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
