well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
