My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
