So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
