remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
