Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Boobs are out for the taking
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
