i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
