Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize