i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
