1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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