i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
