I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
