Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bring me that man meat
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
