If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
