There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
