On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
