please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
