why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
