there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
