just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
In America we eat man semen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Drunk is not a location!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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