bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Semen is not good for contacts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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