Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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