My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
