So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
