Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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