It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
