Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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