He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
