A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
