K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She needs sedatives and a leash
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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