I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize