I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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