How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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