Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
