God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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