Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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