I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
