please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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