We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
