Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
