i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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