just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
