Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
