just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
