i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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