Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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