Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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