I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
id be glad to
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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