hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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