I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
