True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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