she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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