Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Vodka?
Forever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
