Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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