Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
