I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
