Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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