i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
