okay pat passed out under dana's car
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
