There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
