You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
