when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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