dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
